Every time you don’t bcc, Domo kills a kitten

Dear friend/relative/former or current cow-orker/complete stranger who has my email addr,

I’d like to thank you for taking the time to send/forward me the recent email regarding the joke/big scare/email tracking giveaway/financial insight/rant on the political party you oppose/health advise/rumour. I’d like to thank you, but instead I find myself compelled to beat you with a scsi cable. However, since I oppose Internet violence (I’ll be forwarding you an email about this movement shortly) let me instead try, once again, to explain to you the error of your ways.

It’s not that I object to the content you sent (though, truth be told, it wasn’t funny/it’s not real/Walt Disney had no son and Bill Gates couldn’t care less about my email/that company is already bankrupt, and I have no money to invest anyway/I actually support the other side of the argument/I’m the wrong gender for that and-or am perfectly content with my dimensions/did you consider checking that on Snopes first?) but did you really have to CC me along with another 2^6 other folks with whom I share nothing in common other than the misfortune to be in your address book????

Seriously, dude, it’s called BCC, for BLIND CARBON COPY. Use it, bizzitch. You see, every time you CC me on some piece of what would otherwise be innocuous drivel, along with dozens of folks I have never and will never meet, I see a sharp uptick in the amount of SPAM, crap, and other shit hitting my inbox. It’s about as direct a correlation as finding the pavement wet after a rainstorm. It’s not that I don’t want to receive this crap (I don’t, but I feel bad telling you this so I keep silent while writing this completely passive-aggressive blog post,) but could you puh-leeez use the BCC option from now on. This way, you can continue to clog the tubes with the binary equivalent of the Home Shopping Channel, TMZ, and Spike TV, without spewing your (at risk of becoming ex-) friends’ email addresses all over the planet. Haven’t you noticed that half the crap you forward to me you have to scroll down for five minutes through all the other addresses already embedded before you get to the actual message.

Dude, that’s just wrong. Stop it. Stop it now. Because if you don’t, you need to know something. The lives of hundreds of innocent feline Americans rest in your hands. You see, Domo is responsible for screening my mail now, and man is his pissed. Seems you are on a mission to spread the gospel at every opportunity. So he has promised that starting today, every time you don’t use bcc, he’s going to off a kitten. No mercy, no remorse.

My gods man, think of teh kittehs

Do you really want that resting on your conscience? I don’t think so. So now prehaps you will think twice before hitting send…bah, who the hell am I kidding? In the time it took to write this post, you’ve already forwarded three emails about Sarah Palin, one about a vacation giveaway, and two more off-colour jokes. Grrrr….

Oh, and speaking of Snopes, check their site before you forward the next email. Stop spreading those rumours around, Stop spreading those lies. I really love how cheesy 80′s music videos are.