There was a time, when I was younger, that I quit watching the news almost completely. My morning ritual would consist of turning on CNN as I fixed my coffee (mmm, coffee….) to see if Wolf Blitzer was live outside the White House. No Wolf, no war, and that was good enough for me. Now that I am older, the morning news is sort of a ritual in the house. Funny word, news. I rather like the origin as defined at Dictionary.com…
Origin:
1425–75; late ME newis, pl. of newe new thing, novelty (see new); on the model of MF noveles (pl. of novele), or ML nova (pl. ofnovum); see novel2
With the more modern definition(s) below.
news [nooz, nyooz]
Show IPA
–noun(usually used with a singular verb)
1.a report of a recent event; intelligence; information: His family has had no news of his whereabouts for months.
2.the presentation of a report on recent or new events in a newspaper or other periodical or on radio or television.
3.such reports taken collectively; information reported: There’s good news tonight.
4.a person, thing, or event considered as a choice subject for journalistic treatment; newsworthy material.Compare copy.
Do you see a trend there…something having to do with it being…I don’t know…NEW???!!! Or at least…NEWSWORTHY???!!! As such, I call upon all news media services, whether print, broadcast, or web-based, to review both the definitions of new and newsworthy, and henceforth cease and desist immediately and for all eternity the reporting of the following…
5. That the economy still sucks.
Consumer confidence is critical to turning the economy around. As long as people think their mattress is a better bet than their bank, nothing is going to change. Have you ever heard the saying about repeating something often enough and people will start to believe it. How’s about you get all those unpaid interns you have sitting around there fetching your latte’s to spend ten minutes online finding anything positive about the economy. Maybe just a little good news might get people to start believing that the end is not actually here quite yet.
4. American Idol.
I could spend hours (and I just might, so don’t push me) ranting about how reality television is one of the seven signs of the apocalypse, but let me just point out what half the world seems to have missed. Idol peaked with Kelly Clarkson. The one thing you have going for you from one season to the next is a rude British guy. Even he is jumping ship. Stick a fork in it, it’s DONE. Unless you can get Tim Roth to sit in between takes of Lie To Me, just stop. Really. Stop. No, seriously, just stop.
3. Twilight, and all things emo-vampirish.
I’ll grant an exception should the CW ever start broadcasting the nightly news targeting 
the 12 to 19 year old female demographic. I’ll also start drinking tequila out of the skull of a Fox programming director on that day. But until that dark day comes, this is the only Team Edward that matters.
2. ANYTHING having to do with Sarah Palin, Rush Limbaugh, or Glenn Beck.
I almost have to concede the point to these three. As long as the media gives them coverage, they get paid. It worked for Ann Coulter for years. Heck, in this economy, I might be tempted to talk out of my arse if Fox News would pay me to…but these three make me ashamed to admit I’m still registered as a Republican.
not available for comment, arse talking
1. Tiger Woods
Dear Mr. Woods,
You screwed up. It’s over. We no longer care. She’s gone. You should be too.
Sincerely,
Planet Earth
And hey @bobbysisk, since when in the blue hell has ANYTHING having to do with Tiger Woods been LOCAL NEWS to Charlotte. Hell, I think the closest he has ever come to Charlotte playing golf is Pinehurst, some 100+ miles away. NOT in your viewing area? NOT local news.
update 20100317-I just heard on the news that Tiger Woods may be playing a PGA tournament in Charlotte soon….totally had no idea PGA events happened around here. Hey @bobbysisk, my bad, sorry! STILL do not want to hear about him…jus’ sayin’!
While the following clip is choppy and cut off at the end, and the lead in has nothing whatsoever to do with my point, Chevy Chase and Garrett Morris illustrate succinctly what I believe the news today has become.
Well that, and Larry Sprinkle. He’s still the best damn weatherman EVAR!
What do you think? Have I lost it? Am I being too harsh? Is Ellen calling Randy ‘dawg’ really newsworthy? Should I just chill out and change the channel? Tell me how you feel.
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